Why I'm Teaching

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I hadn't gotten a particular aspiration when I was a kid until I entered Junior High School age. Despite I always clearly answered I wanted to be an architect way back when, I still felt hesitate somehow. I didn’t feel it's right. My inner-self said that it won’t fit me and I will not make it all the way. Then it flew away. That first aspiration that I wanted to be just faded away easily.

Being in a senior high school then changed another part of me. I start keeping a new answer anytime someone asks me what I want to be. It was a writer. It was not a totally new thing to be exact regarding I start writing since I was in junior high school. That time, I started to think that being a writer is likely more possible for me, and it is more me. I love writing and I feel I’m somewhat skilled. But as time grew on, as I knew more about literature and writing industry, I start to feel this is just another unfit one to me.

Move on to other days when I was in college, I was almost to enroll myself at Indonesian literature faculty before I ended up being an English education student. It was because I thought that English education is a safe choice. I mean, you can apply to any kind of job as a mainstream office worker, or a banker, as you graduate later. And yea, I made it as I first worked as a secretary and involved in office activities kind of thing. But it lasted only for 5 months before eventually, I turned to be a teacher.

It was not a mere coincidence. My family convinced me and urged me to take education major back then. They hoped I would be able to manage myself to be a state civil servant. I have thrown away that kind of reason from the very first time, however. I’m not interested at all anything related to state servant thingy, and I didn’t want to teach in such a conventional state school as well where I need to put on formal wear called safari and face some rules and administrations that I can’t stand with.

It’s an inner voice. Cliché. I know. It’s something that comes from deep down inside even though I didn’t really know whether or not I realize it. It’s like that the little me—the one who has no idea what to become someday—has a magical feeling about it that I could feel it so real. It was the thing that I ignored but I believe it secretly. This belief was beyond time and space that smoothly stuck in my head over the years. The voice was almost quiet but always vibrated.

And it happened now. Approximately, I have been teaching for three years and living in this sort of education life. I do enjoy it. Regardless of the financial motivation whispering me I won’t make it that big if I teach, but there is something that hinders me from stop loving this job. It’s a passion. It’s not for a cliché and other patriotic reasons’ sake. It’s just that I’m fond of what I’m doing. I love when I’m talking and explaining material in the class. I enjoy listening to the kids’ story. I love making worksheets or only surfing on the internet just to find some interesting sources for my teaching aids. I also enjoy watching youtube about other teachers’ idea of making brainstorming activity. Teaching makes me more creative, and indeed, I feel smarter than my previous me, day by day. This job allows me to do enjoyable activities and more importantly, it’s not only about data and computerized working.

And the other reason why I'm teaching is because of my personality orientation. I’m sure I’m an introvert, and it’ said that it takes over 60% of my personality orientation as a whole – at least, it came across from a couple of online personality tests that I had done. It's explained that I’m an introvert who likes talking, being dominant the group, planning and managing something. But those all the things come most of the time when I’m in a small group. And being a teacher makes me have the capability to talk, explain, being a center of attention and tell people needing my knowledge in a field I’m somewhat good at. It gives e that vibe of enjoying myself being dominant and being able to show my leadership ability. This is the inside me that I’m comfortable with.  I feel I can do the thing what I'm good at when I teach. And this feeling is sort of hard to find if I put myself in a huge community filled by a group of people mixed by different personalities and behaviour. This is such a thing I need to have to balance my silence and inward-thinking personality.