The Only Door Opened

 I stop expecting people

I stop hoping them to listen

I stop keeping a dim light inside, a little wish,

a constant optimism that someday, someone is coming

and listen, and streching out their hands to reach me,

to listen, just listen.  

To be there, accepting my fear, my anger

digging deeper to my anguish, to my absurdity

my anxiety, my delusional thoughts about life,

about myself being chased after void

drowned by hysteria.

This is not a feeling of disappointment

I am not waving a white flag

I am not declaring myself lost to this growing fear

I am not

I am accepting reality

Understanding the the grey line

Living in both

Like hopping to another side of river

Or grabbing a vine and swinging 

from one tree to another 

without falling

It is wrenching

squeezing my chest

But standing on my own bleeding feet 

is making me stronger.

Not that I know better how to be firm 

when they are coming and staying

it is just the only door opened, and unlocked

for the alternate door is slaying me softly